A woot and a yay and I nearly pissed my pants

Today has been a little boring, a little stressful and a damn whole chunk of exciting.

Whenever I'm not at work my day doesn't really begin until about half two. Why? Why not? I chill out in my dressing gown, watch tele and play on my playstation. I then proceed to talking to my girl before she heads off to work. Then I shower, and only then do I do things that need to be done or are worth doing.

So today after the chilling and the phone conversation I got a bit stressed. The cause of this was the fact that due to my loan agreement being signed by my father (long story, can't be arsed to go into it) I thought that my loan provider would freak and not give me the money, I need it sharpish as I'm going into the car dealership tomorrow to give them a cheque for My Corolla (sang to the tune of My Sharona). Anyways, they assured me the money will be in my account by Friday morning at the latest. Good stuff.

Then the super exciting bit came when my girl informed me that her work permit had been approved.

Only a couple of important things to be resolved now.

Ground control to Major Tom, your circuit's dead, there's something wrong

Can you hear me Major Tom?

I've just had a very boring Bank Holiday Monday. The only thing that has made today worthwhile is that I will receive a day's pay for sitting on my arse, shooting Nazis and watching celebrities play golf. My life is a wild fucking party.

My girlfriend is either very busy or ignoring my emails for some strange reason. Perhaps she feels she no longer needs to talk to me or email, after getting through the last few days with minimal communication. My God she's going to fucking leave me.

I have an extra day at work tomorrow. My colleagues have booked some well-timed holidays, meaning I get extra money when I really need it most. Most of this money will be spent on alcohol, as the girlfriend's sister (whom I have more contact with in the last week than my girlfriend) and everybody's favourite gay are coming over to stay and will no doubt drag me out drinking (kicking and screaming, of couse).

I have no idea why I'm blogging any of this, because if my last few posts are anything to go by, nobody's going to read it, let alone post a comment. My readership has ceased to be, I have an ex-readership.

Disaster averted

Thanks to the incredible process of trial and error, I have managed to fix my blog. Hurrah!

Oh fuck!

I suppose that's what I deserve for being so vain. As you can see, the appearance of my blog has somewhat changed, I oviously fucked up the HTML code thingy when I was entering such code for a cluster map and hit-counter.

I have nothing planned for today, I can't wait for my girlfriend to come and live with me. Even doing nothing with someone else is better than doing nothing by yourself. Fact. It's going to be fun exploring Yorkshire, as it is an area of the country that I'm not familiar with...saying that there's not many areas of the country that I am familiar with.

I have nothing left to say.

I'm a 'scatman'

I've been flip-flopping as to whether I should really have images of people 'scatting' on my blog for a long time now. I've always wanted to have a good 'scat' and have been doing so in the shower recently. So here you are, people 'scatting' on my blog.

Mr. Goerring, stand aside please

The world has not known efficiency like this since the Nazis built those camps for people to concentrate in.

I've got my loan through the Halifax. They offered me a a great rate of 6.4%, and deferred payments until November, how awesome is that? Very awesome. The only thing is that I had to get a loan of £7,000, though I only need £6,900, but because of their great rate they still come in cheaper than everywhere else I've enquired.

I was knocked back at one place, but I suppose even concentration camps had their slow days.

So now I've only got my car insurance to go. Long may the Martyn war-machine march on...

Toyota for my troubles

So the car shopping ended up with me purchasing a Toyota Corolla 1.6 VVT-i T3. It didn't quite have the same sex appeal as a Honda Civic that I saw, but it did have a full service history and great aftersales service. All I need to do is get a loan for £6,900 and insure the thing as well. If my recent efficiency is anything to go by, these should be sorted by the end of the week.

I should be able to bring my loan payments and insurance in at around £220/month, which is good news as this is what I'll be bringing in for my car allowance (after tax). So then all I need to do is put juice in the thing. Another plus point is the fact that the car is averaging 40mpg after 40,000 miles, 10mpg more than what I was getting from my Hyundai Getz.

So I'll be picking it up in around 3 weeks or so. Yay!

Bish bash bosh

Like a true hunter/gatherer I am nothing if not efficient. My 'profession' is estate agency, so you would think I would be very selective when it comes to choosing a property that I will be living in for the next 6 months...well, not me. Give me a couple of hours, a selection of flats and I'll pick the best one. Not any of this, well that's not exactly how I want bullshit, mother-fucking poncing about. C'mon people, it's a rental property, a roof over your head, it doesn't have to be perfect. It's got two bedrooms, a parking space and and it's unfurnished, plus the fact it's a five minute walk to the station. Job done.

Now that the flat-hunting is over and one with I can now concentrate on the more importnat task of finding the right car. Yes, I am still looking for an Audi A3, however, I may have to make do with a VW Golf. I never thought the day would come when I thought I would 'have to settle for a Golf.' Oh, how times have changed. So Mr and Mrs Bell are coming down on Saturday to look at cars with me, so we'll hopefully be heading over to Leeds/Huddersfield to look at some. Whoop.

Blow my spunk-bubble

So it would finally appear that Lindell has finally freed Mister Daniela from the marital bed. Good to have you back with us.

So the hunt for the car continues. I still have my eye on an Audi A3, but I've expanded that search to the Toyoya Corolla (hatchback), Lyla won't let me have a Jaguar - boo hiss! Still really have to sort out some sort of budget for when I'm in Leeds. I need to get me mam onto that methinks, she'll be able to look at tax, at least that way I know what I've got to play with. Phnarr phnarr!

The flat-hunting kicks-off on Tuesday. It'll be nice to go round a property without having to try and convince people that they should buy/rent it, then again I don't do that anyway. Should I really be in sales? Two bedrooms, unfurnished, parking, in the city centre for about £600-650PCM. I wonder what I could get for Saskatoon for that price? Three apartments in Lyla's building, that's what!!!

Fuck me I have such a cunting boring blog. It would be so much easier if a computer could read what I was thinking. I could go into loads of random shite, but I can't be bothered to type. Perhaps I should just dictate to someone, or have a ghostwriter??? I'd love to be able to tell people exactly how I feel, though it gives me greater pleasure knowing that people know I'm fucked up enough that they can draw they're own conclusions without me having to reveal anything in particular. One day you may all get to know me a little better.

Today I downloaded Stop the Cavalry by Jona Louie. Probably the greatest Christmas song ever (closely followed by Fairytale of New York), I cannot stop playing this song. For some reason I have an incredible urge to listen to Christmas songs in the summer months. When I worked at Burger King we always used to put the Christmas CD on during the middle of the summer. Anything to make the day pass a little quicker.

So tomorrow Carlisle embark on the longest journey in the football league, all the way to Yeovil, the land of cider. Fans will be leaving Carlisle at about 5am, to make it to Yeovil in time for a few pre-game ales, then arriving back in Carlisle in early hours of Sunday morning. Up the Blues - Be Just and Fear Not.

I hope my terms and conditions come through the post tomorrow, it's spunk-bubbling annoying that they haven't arrived yet.

Random mumblings

Had a fucking shitty day at work today. So I've had a few whiskey and cokes to unwind. Plus a small amount of weed (leftovers from yesterday).

When I get old I'm going to carry my cheque book with me everywhere I go. Only for the simple reason that it means I have reached a certain age. I noticed this on Coronation street yesterday, when an elderly woman (Audrey) just so happened to have her cheque book in her handbag.

I have been downloading a lot of musci from limewire. Mainly stuff from the 80s (plus "Donald, where's ya troosers" - indidentally a number 1 in Canada upon its release). Perhaps we can forgive you for Celine Dion, turkey-necked fucking slosh-bucket.

So Daniela and Lindell have now become Dandell (Pilot of the Future). I don't even know what Lindell's surname is? I might have to pick up 'maid talk' and refer to Daniela as Mrs. Lindell from now on.

That's enough for now, my eyes feel as though they're bleeding.

Life is great and life is fine

It has only taken nine months or so, but things actually appear to be coming together. My girl has got a job over here and she'll be joining me in a month or so. My only problem was that I too needed a job, within the Leeds area. This is something that I have managed, with time to spare.

After the disappointment of last week's interview (which in all fairness, I was never going to get) I decided to speculatively send my CV off to a couple of estate agents within the area last weekend. I was contacted on the Monday to interview on the Tuesday, and I was offered the job on Thursday. Top banana. The terms and conditions are still to arrive, but if they are the same as what was mentioned in the interview, then I've fallen on my feet. This is something that does not happen too often.

I am happy. Though it's going to be a busy month for me, looking for a car and a flat, as well as Kristie and LaJuan heading over. Not forgetting my gorgeous and perfectly-proportioned girlfriend.

Big shout-out to Lindell and Daniela who have decided that the only thing to keep the edge on their sex life is by getting married. Congratulations. Lindell - don't get too drunk at the wedding, remember...you need to consummate the marriage. Daniela - don't be upset if Lindell is unable to consummate the marriage. The alcohol will wear off. Seriously though, enjoy the day and each other. Sorry I can't make it.